i feel guilty for kissing another guy

Fear holds you back. Then I ordered taxis, woke up the other girl and we left. Try-it-on, cheating sleazebag makes pass at loyally-married woman; And he grabbed my waist!. Actually I really don't have any experience at all. My husband went ballistic and said, I just knew something like this was going to happen. I'll still cross over with him at times, but it will be minimal. A The straight women in the girls-french kiss-girls videowere all shocked at how gentle and non-aggressive female kissers were, in comparison to guys. Then you must be doing it wrong. Mercy got too drunk, Cintia was drunk but she was ok so far. Knowing what you value will help you build the most meaningful life possible. It's good that you're willing to forgive,most women would divorce. People who are qualified to label themselves good don't keep secrets from the one person in the world they tacitly vowed never to keep secrets from, particularly when the information is the victim's right to know (in order to continue to emotionally protect themselves, particularly whenever their partner's showing they're currently unable to execute their duty of helping them do so 'right to know' because where there's a problem in the relationship as, with the mere aid of the pigpen gate-unlocker called alcohol, causes behaviour counter to the relationship's chances of continued success, then - AS a team - it takes both members' addressing it together for the solution/outcome to possess any real authenticity or permanent efficacy. Weve probably all known silly drunks, mean drunks and people who simply couldnt hold their liquor and vomited all over the place. I didnt blame the alcohol because I knew I had feelings for my piano teacher, and I didnt want to pretend the feelings didnt exist. He encouraged me to to ring for a taxi from his house which I did. We were not drunk. Forget about it! No, you don't. And now you - who finds trust difficult - have been tempted to do your OWN test (already commencedwhilst drunk), approached via the psychological end. I like the soft smooth touch of a woman and her sexy smell while iam kissing her with passion, if there is a romantic connection it's even better. There was a line that was crossed when they kissed, he should no longer have her as a Facebook friend, or any other communication with her. reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2006): A Thank you. It takes to heal the wounded trust again. Do you think it's better to alleviate your guilt by hurting someone you loved or better to just deal with it on your own? Thus it's what I *DID DO* - back in September when at an Indian restaurant with friends (I mentioned it on this forum as apropos to someone's thread) and some bloke tried to come onto me. In fact, you dont even have to tell your partner what you did because it was an innocent kiss. After all she did say that the kiss lasted for maybe 5 minutes. Asked how the kiss was, Brodieeven says: It wasnt bad, its actually better than a few of my exes. So she left after a couple of replies. I know it was wrong and I regret it all. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding. ;-). If, on the other hand, you kissed someone whom you knew or someone your significant other believes youve always liked, and then you confess that you kissed him or her, your actions could have major consequences for your relationship Why? You have been dating this guy for only two months and it's not serious yet. And if you're not confessing - to the victim - you're dodging doing time. If I could go back in time I would because my SO is truly the best person out there. Lol I love you already. At least I understood why our marriage failed and no further closure was needed. I put a blanket over her and sat back down next to the man. Are you sure all you did was kiss? We started kissing again and he took my T shirt off and I briefly started kissing his body. I appreciate you taking the time to reply to me, I can see you feel very passionate about infidelity, however, on this occassion I won't be taking your advice. Anyway, I just thought I'd mention it out of respect for that other time with that girl and to show you that, despite I'm not as quick thinking as you, especially when I'm blotto, I can still handle myself in these situations [grin]." If you think that straight guys are too macho to experiment with same-sex kissing, then yourewrong. That's what it takes to have a Grade A romance that never dies. ;-)) It's wonderful that you even wanted to kiss someone! Y'know what it all boils down to the lips. The planet won't stop revolving around the Sun if you don't tell him. NOT telling your partner is not protecting your partner and your marriage, it's self-protection against having to do the work called, Atonement, so you can ignore likeminded proponents whose choice from the excuses menu is that (yawn) telling your partner is a selfish act geared towards offloading some of the guilt when actually, perfectly logically, if the marriage is half theirs then so is the responsibility over the fact it degenerated to that point in the first place (excluding the choice-of-unilateral-action part, obviously)because that's how it works. Three women and one guy went back. If the reaction is strong, then maybe dont say anything. It really depends on the dynamics of your relationship though. He went on to tell me that he kissed another woman and he had to tell me, he couldn't keep it a secret from me. Amazing how long this subject has carried on. We kissed for maybe 5 minutes, or maybe less, I don't know. Again I could go on with this subject,and I undoubtedly will. She confessed to loving the experience and enjoyed the thrill knowing she had her husbands permission and he was watching her. If he wants to keep her as a "friend", complete access is a must. Anyway I'll get off this post now. To submit your vote please sign in or sign up, it is free and takes a few seconds. I dont know what else to do. On which note - "Marriage is about trust not tryst": I like that saying. I guess it's the nature of the topic - emotive yet one of those Grey areas. I want to break down and cry. Ashley Madison helped things along with extramarital affairs. In that sort of scenario, where the kiss (or any intimate contact) lingers for more than half a second - or, put more simply, isn't the kind you'd feel comfortable giving/receiving from your own parent or grandparent - it's an opening of the door, whether or not you subsequently recover your senses and slam it shut again. I came home and we resolved it and ever since everything has been fine. Drop it in CASUALLY, as part of general chit-chat, like it's no big thing (because if it's no biggie to you then that must mean it isn't and wasn't any threat to him), and in such a way as draws similarities with his own past incident. I was very drunk. I say tell him. Okay. Yes, that's what I was going to advise - that you two continue any discussion on LG's own thread. My wife left me because I had become emotionally unavailable. What am I going to do? If I were the husband and some how found out through a second party my trust would be broken. I was devastated. The 5 Ingredients of an Effective Apology, The Power of a Dream: The Customs Inspector, 3 High-Risk Relationship Concerns No Couple Should Ignore, Eliminating Guilt, Shame, Regret, and Worry, Protecting the Innocent: The Cognitive Context of Guilt, How to Deal with Breakup Guilt in a Healthy Way. "what the hell where we at?" Reviewed by Gary Drevitch. The doubt in your mind over his behaviour might actually be a doubt in your mind over yours. You went and MARRIED someone who was your best FRIEND, not your Bam!, Pow!, "oh my god there is a god!" When you go out and get drunk- if you find yourself attracted to another man- think back to how you feel now after you acted on that attraction. female A certain someone might read it. Because telling him something that you regret and will never do again is doing exactly that. Or run away? I didnt want to cheat on him and I made up my mind it wouldnt happen again. ;-)). if you believe you have to tell him exactly as you did here , if your friends you were with are also his say he can ask them . What did she say? That is what separates the women from the girls. Your choice, as ever. I am deeply shocked this has happened and I don't know who to turn to for help. Please tell me I will stop feeling like this. I could tell that he had a thing for you. female focus on you and your DH. The last person you should be talking to about your feelings of guilt is your partner. And as for our original subject, who knows maybe she told him. In Jung's theory, the anima makes up the totality of the unconscious feminine psychological qualities that a man possesses and the animus the masculine ones possessed by a woman. It sounds like you are projecting your own fears onto him. Houston, we have a problem. I believe that over time this would have happened with or without the wiskey. Now, four years later, I am feeling extreme guilt to the point that it is making me sick and consuming thoughts every minute of the day. Which probably makes you wonder why I came here in the first place. Saying that, however, I note you wrote: What if your husband ever found out? DON'T: Kiss and tell to someone you're kissing. You might come to the conclusion that something is lacking in your primary relationship, and you might decide to break up with your partner and pursue the person whom you kissed while drunk. Guilt protects our relationships. If you both agreed not to see anyone else, how is that not exclusive? Wouldn't you? I feel like I am hypnotized by the guy. We kissed for maybe 5 minutes, or maybe less, I don't know. Translation: Stuff moral taboos, my wanton self-gratification urge is more important than any implement for world peacebut I'm a nice guy, no, really I am.) I read or heard somewhere that the only good thing that comes of guilt is to prevent you from doing it again. I did for a second *start* to kiss him backbut only because I was so completely off my head at that point (I'm talking room starting to spin) as was he, actually, which is probably why it occurred- well, NEARLY occurred in the first place, so don't worry about that bit but the second I did, I came to my senses and told him NO WAY JOSE!!! He deserves to know. "I really can't do this, I have no excuse, I'm married and he's lovely, it's not like I'm unhappy, he's a good person'" Free weekly email, Insta, and more - > https://linktr.ee/monogamish_me. Why? View related questions: What are you going to do, then? Sometimes it doesnt help to tell your partner everything. I speak from experience when I say that when that intimacy starts to die, it can be the start of the end. Oh no worries soulmate, yes we do miss you We'll talk tomorrow. in all the years we are together I have never ever done anything like this before, and I can say with confidence I will never allow myself to end up in any situation that could lead to anything even close to this again. You're not attracted to him? When my husband came home, he could tell right away that I had been drinking. I know he would forgive me but I don't want to deal with issue with him. Better safe than sorry. Iam a bisexual man and kissing a female is a different feeling then with a male. Carl Jung said that if you're dreaming of a stranger of the opposite sex, it usually means your psyche is tapping into your inner man or inner woman. So as far I doing it wrong I wouldn't know. This is the decission you need to make do you want to risk all (career, home, kids as well as your DH) and be in a position you can pursue a relationship with this married man - who may well reject you for more than a fling. Well, that's all fairly laudible but I agree. And I have never cheated myself. She said this is how it starts. So this was me subconsciously- not *setting* the standard but showing my maintaining it as per our agreements over only having eyes for each other and always, ALWAYS being 100% honest with each other no matter WHAT. Confide in someone you trust. I kissed another man four years ago. You reap what you sow. Secrets have no place in a marriage. Thinking of it over and over again will affect you mentally, and make it worse. Don't hurt him any more than you already have. I told him straight away what had happened. And the tricky piece de resistance Still, now that the courts are coming down wider and heavier on emotional abuse, I'm sure it's just a matter of time. My thread is called Hurt and Confused. I feel like my husband deserves so much better, but can't tell him because the guy isn't some stranger, he's a person I see 5 days a week, and I know if tables were turned and I was in my husbands position I would wonder what interactions were happening between the two in work everyday. 5. One way to alleviate guilt is by taking action. I hadn't been out drinking for about 3 months beforehand, so think the excitement of the night, constant glasses prosecco and wine, and the buzz of just being all dolled up all mixed together to see me very giddy and tipsy. We have only been seeing each other for the past two months and I dont want his mind racing with bad thoughts. My eyes were closed and my head was spinning. ;-)), Back too Ya My Sistah from another mother!! I'm 44 years old and I've been dating a 24 year old for 5 months. Its more like an excuse for cheating. So, when he offered me whisky, I happily drank it until I was drunk as a skunk. Talk About Family, Marriage and Relationships, My magic wand would remove shame from sexuality for all! I'm not condoning what I've done, and it's a totally different set of circumstances, but I remember wishing I had never known about the stupid kiss, as it tainted things for a while afterward. this guy only tried to kiss you so as far as you cheating on him there is no and your appropriate response was toback away and leave the guy standing. That tells you that even if you think you are not showing any signs of being attracted to someone, peoples S/Os have a since of whats going on! I think they all count as cheating and I'm not sure it's necessary to make a distinction. I know true remorse when I see it. If you want a relationship then be ready to be trustworthy. Sorry Soulmate I know I need to stop,but it's hard to. I was the driver so I did not drink at all just the wto girls. The next time you saw your significant other you might have blurted out, I have a confession to make. the guy has a long term girlfriend who he lives with and he said she was really angry with him for coming home so late, then he said, look, I think we're good people that completely lost our minds for 5 minutes, and are suffering major guilt for it now, but it will never ever happen again, and I'm not going to say a word to anyone' to which I replied 'neither am I' and he said 'ok, look I'll see you on Monday but this is going to be ok, don't worry, we can move on from this' Should I ask him for gas money? The drunk part won't matter to him because his mind will only think about the kiss. Needing to hear this guy tell you it was OK- It was not OK. Finding it with someone else just accelerates the process. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. 07/12/2015 22:05. And then continued behaving like friends as if the mere certificate would do the work and promotion parts for you (or, alternatively, continued accepting the fact that ONE friend couldn't quite dare up his friendship ante to where you felt sated in the affection and attention worthy of marriage department) For starters, you've no way of knowing whether this other woman *was* genuinely asleep or whether she might gossip to someone who goes and gossips to someone else, etc.. Plus, you don't know what this bloke might choose to do or whom he might blurt it out to the next time he gets drunk (back and forth male posturing on a lads' night out, for example)! No, if it's sensible debate, based on *facts* rather than wishful thinking, that's fine. male Except with other truth-seekers. Ive told her Im sorry, I wont let it happen again and Im sorry for being dishonest. Now that you got drunk, you feel justified in kissing that person because you got drunk and couldnt help yourself. When I needed a dresser picked up from a furniture store, he offered to take me to the store and bring the furniture home in his pick up truck. You love your spouse and you want to do your best to be a good partner. I mean if a person can't rely on their own strength of character and self-discipline to stop them from crossing that line, they obviously NEED an outside deterrent. But you can control whether you nurture the crush or acknowledge it and move on. I regret waiting so long to tell him.-2 months. If he forgave you, then it sounds like he accepted that it was a mistake, that you won't do it again and has moved on. Unforeseeable consequence. in my opinion I don't see why you would feel guilty you did nothing . I myself will have to comment tomorrow, now, although maybe SK and anyone else would like to join in in the meantime? Tell your husband. he said the situations arent at all the same bc he doesnt feel turned on by me kissing another guy the way i do from a male on male kiss. 2. (works every time :-p) Thank you soulmate,but I'm getting over those issues. Myself and the man were sitting next to each other on the couch, and the other woman was sitting on another couch at the other side of the room. Generally people dont care when it happens with others but when it happens with them, they may react very differently because human are emotional creatures. Personally I don't believe in marriage. Cell phones, texting, emails etc. You had too much to drink and you kissed someone who wasnt your boyfriend or your girlfriend. I felt sick! That is what separates the women from the girls. He screamed and raged and then left to the lake and sent me a text saying he cannot trust someone who would make an unwise decision like that. I'm not sure how long we were there when one of the women decided to call it a night, and left in a taxi. I certainly took full responsibility for my actions, and fortunately the guy I kissed also took responsibility for his actions. It felt so wrong and taboo yet so erotic and a sort of thrilling jealousy! Pointer much appreciated, though. He is my workmate also. Yes, I think if your boyfriend thinks his girl or boy or whatever is gonna be loyal to them even under the influence. I'd be obsessed with it. Keep it to yourself. ;-) (Awlthough, dang naace trah, they-yer, at tryin-a git' me ter disclows mah gendah. I was enjoying myself and loving the chats and laughs. I was heart broken, and even though he said he immediately pulled away, and we stayed together and over time forgot about it, I remember feeling so uneasy every time I knew he would be in that girls company. Good luck. It was a real dress up affair, and the drink flowed freely all night long. It was such a weird experience. I was drunk but that is no excuse. 4. Hey all. David bit Jordan. Hang on because I'm sure there will be other people who believe differently from me. All of sudden my guy friend stopped texting me good morning and good night Im a guy and i had sex with my guy bestfriend drunk. I had only taken three years of piano lessons while still a teenager, and here I was in my late 40s studying piano again. I'm not going to let that or any insulting aspersions, subtle or otherwise, put me off. I've been cheated on just recently and I cannot imagine how awful it would be if he didn't own up and tell me. HIKARI, you can't take up an obsolete thread as your own, no matter any similarities, so if you want feedback and advice it's best to start a new one (and copy and paste that post into it as your opening post), okay? I made that call today and will move from lates to early starting Monday 16th feb. You just never, ever know. We were going through an awkward time in the relationship and I was craving the attention and simplicity of this guy. When the night was over one of the women said we could go back to hers for drinks, and I was happy to go. What is he supposed to do with this information? My wife wants to leave because of this. I'll see you over there. I have no idea who the girl is. Turning off notifications, deleting messages, and hiding chat apps may all indicate secrecy. You drank and you kissed. Your significant other might get very angry about this, but I believe it depends more on whom you kissed rather than on the fact that you kissed someone else. Not Opening Up To You Anymore If he is like me, its a choice. I have never done anything like this before and truly would never again. Confesing to your husband was risky. As long as you are sincere about making this work, your punishment should be to bear this guilt. My opinion, fwiw, is that what you did was not that bad. Or does it mean something bigger in terms of my own relationship? He has assignments at different sites, and for the last four weeks he has been at the same place. I think my husband will not forgive me. Allow me show you for future ref what someone who hates feeling guilty looks like: Not work you put off until 'tomorrow' - TODAY. Try to channel the guilt into something good, into turning your back on temptation and having a good night out with your friends. Do you want to end you marriage? What!! (I bet many would not kiss & TELL -as it would only invite chaos in their marraiges). I really have a problem believing but forgave her and weve been together another 20 yrs now and have 15 grand children hasnt ever really bothered me but about 3 yrs ago it hit me like of bolt of lightning out of nowhere and I cant get that night out of my mind, keep obsessing over what they might have done and how they spent the 4 or 5 hours that they were together outside the venue that night. My eyes were closed and my head was spinning. lover. I'm going to keep my distance from my work colleague and I'm going to ensure nothing like this ever happens again. We may share information about your use of our site with trusted advertising and analytics partners. Then the accusations begin, which night go something like: Why on earth did you kiss _________? :-). However, if it doesn't close itself through sustained inactivity soon then I'll probably close it myself (as the actress said to the bishop). Even despite it included you having to become whatever degree of a low-down doity adulterer. SOULMATE (moderator), is this seriously your job? Truth-seekers are never popular. Personally, if nothing happened apart from him buying drinks and giving you a ride home, then I wouldnt have told at all. [2] ..you showed you don't think of he and you as a team by sharing all information pertinent to the relationship; For the last few years we have been trying for a baby and are currently going through tests to try find out why it's not happening. (y) Mumsnet carries some affiliate marketing links, so if you buy something through our posts, we may get a small share of the sale (more details here), but then I was cheated on for years by ExH and I would now put myself first. I agree with you about her being straight forward and telling her husband about the kiss and not holding back any secrets. For your information, I have only the *one* bottom and and it doesn't ever tend to leave tracks (- speak for yerself!) 3. That left just me, the man and another woman. I kissed another girl while black out drunk, dont remember a thing. Houston, despite we started out as just friends, we now have PROOF that we have utilised a mechanism for cultivating love and respect, enough to now remain together til death do us part. I was so drunk, I barely remember the kiss, but I know it happened. Maybe you didnt deliberately set out to kiss him or her, but you feel guilty about the kiss because you realize you always wanted to kiss that person, but were afraid to kiss because you harbored hidden feelings for that person. He's a work colleague by the way, and we would get on well in work but have no contact outside of work). I just knew you would cheat on me if given half a chance.. She has just sent a private message to him on FB. Bringing this up is only going to hurt your SO. The Fora platform includes forum software by XenForo. If you feel like this about yourself then you may be worrying about what he will do while he's at university. Again - your choice. I made it explicit to my girlfriend that I can only function in an extremely honest and all-cards-on-the-table relationship. female The 2 Most Psychologically Incisive Films of 2022, The Surprising Role of Empathy in Traumatic Bonding. See "The 5 Ingredients of an Effective Apology"; you probably miss at least two of them when you apologize. Lee, thats a good way to CYA - pretend youre talking about this as if it happened to someone else and then gauge your partners reaction. Feel free to start your own thread if you finally find you've a need to.). reader, anonymous, writes (19 August 2006): A Have a happy day every one. I merely stated from the above that lips are a part of foreplay. Maybe she was experimenting or it was something shed thought about and wanted to see what it felt like. Perhaps this one is geared more toward the ladies, but I feel pretty confident in assuming that no matter the . So many arguments begin because our partners got drunk and kissed someone else while they were under the influence of alcohol. When you're in a long-term relationship, it's normal to have a little crush on someone other than your partner. My SO and I had been dating two years. Does she feel guilty over leaving me for another guy? But we have spoken since about it a lot. he set the standard of how he wished this relationship to be conducted in such scenarios yet you failed to follow it WHY did you?). 4 days ago. Him coming to you within 2 days of his wayward deed , when he could have easily gotten away with it, this is something to consider. What you *can* have is the Biggest B*lls on the Block award. As far as crossed purposes,hmmmmmmmm not following you. Once emotions kicks in, you cant predict what will happen. Oh, and FYI again: so drunk I didn't know what I was doing tends NOT to be so plugged-in she 5 minutes beforehand notices the sleeping other person needs a blankie and a tucking-in. Sentiment accepted, though. He left and went to the lake. If I receive a text from someone that is flirtatious in anyway, I test the person back and tell them that I do not want anymore flirtatious texts and if we are friends then they need to respect my relationship. And he kissed me and I reciprocated. He Have Lipstick Stain Or Make Up Stain On His Face It's an obvious sign that someone kissed him. The playing field is even now according to statistics. Just, why leave yourself open if you don't have to. - GET THE FUCK OUT. You can keep quiet and resolve never to do this again. Guilt is a common feeling of emotional distress that signals us when our actions or inactions have caused or might cause harm to another personphysical, emotional, or otherwise. We were going through an awkward time in the relationship and I was craving the attention and simplicity of this guy. My husband always encouraged me to pursue music, and, when I told him that this guy wanted to give me advanced piano lessons, my husband was in favor of this. Im also pleased that you agreed with my argument as to when to fess up and when to keep your mouth shut.

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